I just really don't care these days so it's been an ongoing pity party and that's what makes me angry. So I'm just riding the pity party anger carpet until it decides to slow down so I can get off. I'll spare you all the details but give you a push/pull quasi bittersweet awakening. I used to fight with the urge of my usual "run to" when I felt this way. To keep myself from running to a beer bottle when things really sucked.
I have now passed a milestone somehow where I can think about alcohol and not even remotely consider that as a savior. I have a full grasp of the fact that not only does it not solve anything, I find absolutely nothing about the prospect of drinking to be enticing. It's nothing more than a big pain in the you know what that just magnifies problems and isn't worth the brief feeling of relief that the lie said that it was. The fact that I know this is another source of anger but that's just because I'm being pissy right now.
There's plenty of things that I could get off my duff and do to fix this but I've concluded that sometimes you just have to let yourself feel the way you want to feel. Anger and self pity are valid human emotions that everyone has the right to experience as long as it's not allowed to go on for a length of time. That and as long as they don't threaten sobriety.
Sometimes it just is what it is.