Hi Febbies -
LS - I think it's interesting that not being able to weight train triggers you. I think I understand how that feels.
Over the years, when I feel "out of control", finding a way to get back into control has led to more isms - some other compulsive behavior that ultimately hurts me. When I first quit drinking, I took up exercise, but with my heel injury, it wasn't possible! So I took up compulsive eating of sugar! I gained 30 pounds. Finally, it seemed to make sense to cut my isms at their root. What are compulsive behaviors, really, except ways of numbing me from what comes my way? You know I'm not religious, and that my faith is in its infancy, but if I let my HP do its will, and put my faith that it wants me to feel whatever comes my way, then I don't need to use compulsive behavior to control the way I feel. I say the serenity prayer a lot. I am developing faith that what's happening in my life is what needs to happen in order for me to be the best I can be.
The way I see it, being willful, fearful, and compulsive got me...an alcohol addiction, a marriage to a controlling and unhappy guy, a lot of career opportunities that I was never able to get off the ground, isolation. It's only been in acceptance that I've found love, joy, gratitude, and authenticity.
Have a great day, Febbies!