this is why i needed the people in aa and my sponsor and how my faith in them grew to the point i understood they knew me better than i knew myself
the fact is i had reacted all my life on impulse, if i was right then i was right, even if i was wrong i would make it look or sound like i am right
i needed a lot of work on me and finding out about me and how i reacted in life, be it a relationship or work if things didnt go just how i wanted them to go, if people didnt do what i wanted them to do then i either would cut them out of my life or change my job or whatever just to try to stay locked up being in self
the answer is to stop doing it lol
not as easy as it sounds as its a life long job, so all i can do is start to practice not doing it
i have come to see now looking back over the years just how much i have grown in this area
i can let people have there own way these days and sit there and keep my gob shut
no matter how much that feeling inside of me wants me to react
not all the time as i can still get cheesed off but then i soon know if i have and i know i have to get back to living a good peaceful way of life if i am ever going to stop that madness
i would have to contact my sponsor in times of need or anger and sound off on him and in the end i would come off the phone laughing at myself such was how my sponsor could see the me inside of me and tap into me in a way no one else on the plantet could
i would have to write things down that were hurting me and write down all my anger telling people to f off etc on paper
and it would go away so much so when i would reread my writings i would laugh at myself for being so stupid
today i can react to things or not as i know i will probably have to say sorry if i react and i dont have to say sorry if i dont react : )
i am still learning and still an aa youngster as i am only 10 years around, i have gone past the know all stages of being sober and wanting the world to do things my way etc
today i try to accept things as they are and people for how they are without trying to change them
thanks to aa and the people in aa who have been honest about how they really are so i could identify with them and learn from them,
but its always on going for me as i will never have it cracked
good luck to pam