Oh it's so hard, I know... I struggle with the same feelings. I was feeling so strong and so proud of myself the other day for finally making it clear that I wanted AH to leave. I meant it, and I still do.
But now, that he actually took me seriously, and got an apartment, my instinct is to tell him, "no, I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to leave." Especially this morning, when he was sober and normal... I have not seen that side of him much at all in the last few weeks, but it is so easy to forget about the horrible things he has done and said when the good side of him comes out.
I just have to keep reminding myself over and over of all the bad times, and that helps. My therapist told me to write a list of every bad, hurtful thing he has done and said, and re read it when I'm feeling like letting him come home. I haven't done it yet. I think I will need a lot of paper.
HUGS
STAY STRONG. You are worth it!