Yes I think it is the codependent part of you that is reacting right now and feeling that panic. Feelings are not wrong and can't be helped really but how we deal with them, address them, respond to them, cope with them, etc. makes a huge difference in out lives and we have the power to control/change those things.
Is this me being a codie, if I tell him im still here and I love him and remind him of how much he loves me and has told me he wants to be wih me is this me trying to control things and allowing myself to listen to his manipulation??
That is you trying to manipulate him.
Codependent people get very good at manipulation in our own right and it isn't any more pleasant for those involved than when the alcoholic does it. You are not in charge of his outcomes or choices.
I've been there done that. Focusing on myself helped me to see that and I would take specific steps to NOT be that way.
If I say it without being asked; it is meddling.
If I say it twice; it is manipulation.
I used to have that taped all over (work, home, car, etc.) because that part of my codependency leaked out everywhere in my life - not just with my ah. Ugh. I have extinguished that and it has really helped me be more at peace with all kinds of things. Much less stress because it helped immensely with letting other people's outcomes go. All I have to ponder is my own reactions, feelings, actions, etc.
It also eliminated some drama or unease in my life because people generally do not respond very well to meddling and manipulation, even when it is dripping with love and concern.