I've hit rock bottom a few times in my life but was not able to hold onto sobriety for very long. It's like I took my eye off the ball and forgot how important it was. Like I forgot what the purpose of sobriety was for me after a while. For me a different type of rock bottom came into view. Without actually waking up to a disaster of what I'd done while drunk.... I began feeling suicidal. I hadn't had this before. So many times each day I had these flashes in my mind of wanting to be gone. I realized ....I'm so sick of being unhappy. I hated looking in the rear view mirror of my life and trying to remember.... when it was that I did indeed feel more content?. It seemed so far in my past I could barely remember what it was like.
I went to my family doctor. I was prescribed antidepressants. I am not supposed to drink on this medication. I used this as my initial reason to stop drinking now. I'm still so new in sobriety but am trying to put myself first and focus on having the life that I want. Something with more moments of happiness.
Right now I'm on day 12. It still seems so difficult. I am focusing on breathing and being present in the moment. And gratitude. The SR gratitude lists have been very helpful.