My bottom was when I started to feel absolutely dreadful every day. From waking to 5:00 pm at work I would feel very anxious and I could feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I began to sweat heavily when completing simple tasks. I was clammy and my face was flushed red. My digestion was completely out of whack. I had pains in my stomach and on the right side under the ribcage. The only thing that would calm these terrible feelings was drinking when I got home. This worked until it stopped. Drinking stopped calming my nerves and I could no longer achieve an enjoyable buzz. I felt anxious when not drinking and anxious while drinking. Well, anxious is too pleasant of a description. It was a sense of impending doom. I knew I was killing myself and the doctor confirmed this and I still drank another year. If I continued to drink I was going to die by 40 I guarantee it (or much sooner). I am 32 now.
I had suffered injuries, humiliating emails, phone calls, Facebook posts, and even became physically aggressive on a few occasions during blackouts with my guy and friends. The worst anxiety/terror of all was checking my phone the next day. When I would hear the "ding" of a text message later that day my heart would nearly stop beating from fear. Who was texting me? Were they angry? Worried? Disappointed? What had I said? Did I cry during the call about some random topic? Had I lashed out in anger? I could no longer handle feeling embarrassed and worried all the time. Blackouts had become the norm rather than the exception.
I went to work every day and did very well but I was exhausted from keeping up appearances that everything was okay. I was physically drained every day and weekends were spent on the couch recovering from the night before. At 5 pm I would start drinking again and repeat.
My specific bottom was the realization of how detrimental drinking was to my health. I thought of all the people in hospitals who are fighting for their lives while I was sitting at home drinking my life away and actively killing myself by damaging my organs. Throwing my life down the toilet. I knew it was going downhill fast.
That pretty much sums up my "rock bottom."