It's effed up. I know I'm never drinking again. I am serious. It's just a little sickening that in my mind it would come up, the "nobody would know". I would know. Im just a little surprised now that I recognize my AV. It's weird. Before I would say things like "what does it matter if I have a couple drinks here and there everybody else drinks" or "I deserve this drink because of blah blah blah....". I think about the second to last time I drank on my baby's 3rd bday (after she went down)and then the last a week later when I tried to moderate and blacked out and walked and took a cab and don't even remember getting home (I was home alone that night). I feel disgusted and scared. I feel so happy sober and I mention it a lot to people but it is just strange to get these thoughts. It makes me almost disappointed at myself but I keep saying that I can't help what pops into my head I can only help but I actually do.
I only do SR and haven't been to any AA meeting or anything like that. I did have to do a alcohol treatment program for the DUI I got back into thousand and two.