someplacein

I have been considering cutting off contact with my mother who is a severe alcoholic. No one else in my family wants to do something like this, I think there is some amount of faith that she will get help. I know there is not, for years she was a high functioning alcoholic and only recently (within the last year) has gotten to the point that she is completely drunk (several bottles of wine) from early afternoon through the rest of the day. I often feel as though no one that I explain her alcoholism to understands. I have found that many people consider alcoholism to be drinking on the weekends with friends or downing a fifth by themselves every blue moon. After seeing my mother, I would say drinking on the weekend with friends would be heaven! Not a form of severe, debilitating alcoholism.

I have no faith that my mother will get better. When she is angry she will say horrible things to me, calls me a *****, says she wishes she never had me, calls me a mistake, says I owe her for my upbringing (she did not slip into a deeper alcoholism until sometime during my highschool years), compares me and my sibling (who drinks with her and seems to not be bothered by her alcoholism but maybe that is because my mother treats each of us very differently. Why? I have yet to discover) and she has said numerous other cruel things to me.

The strange part to me is that after forgiving her (usually without so much as an apology) she will eventually do it again in her angry, drunken rage. And who knows if she even remembers it, she had once told me she started to black out after her drinking.

I am starting to feel as though cutting her out might be the best option for me though I feel some sort of guilt and this might be because my sober mother is great and now it's very unlikely to catch her sober being that she begins drinking at 9 am. Sometimes I feel like I might regret my decision but the amount of hurt she has caused is so deep, I feel as though I am nothing more than an outlet for her alcoholic problems.