Knb - You are doing so great. I am sorry to hear you are struggling.
Can you get out for a walk? I liked your idea of making curry and just chilling watching a movie. Do WHATEVER you need to do to take care of yourself.
You can do this. You can stay sober. These thoughts are just your AV trying to take advantage of your emotions. Knock that AV out.
We are here for you. You showed your strength by posting here.
Hugs and love.