I think your post is beautifully written, and I think you probably summed up what a lot of people have felt, are feeling, or will feel in the future.
I've not words or advice for you, however, I wonder if the post made you feel worse, better, or the same?
I kept a journal all the way until married; I'm still married and will journal off and on.
Hope that you find the answer you are looking for, and I think it's wonderful you are able to vent and articulate what you are feeling.
