safeandsound

Thanks for the encouragement nmd, Avice (MMM), neverthought, Alynn, Dee, everyone else. That withdrawal period was brutal!

Yesterday I did not have withdrawals. Finally! I felt good physically and clear mentally. Strangely enough, I also had a passing thought that a glass of wine would be nice. It was a gorgeous sunny day. After work I thought about sitting on a patio having a cold glass of white wine. Like it was ever one glass! But it was just a quick, fleeting thought with almost no real desire behind it. As someone said here (Alynn?) what I really wanted was the sun, a patio, and relaxation. Some day I'll be able to do that at my favorite spot, but not yet.

Made the mistake of getting on the scale. Not one pound lost. This is dangerous territory for me since one time I relapsed for exactly that reason--resentment after a month sober with no weight loss (looking back on it, I definitely had less fat and more muscle). I used to be super-fit and have always been obsessed with it, like most women. Over the years as I continued drinking tons of booze without changing my eating habits and also got older, I gained fat on my stomach and hips regardless of exercise. I don't like how I look.

I've tried to keep away from the scale this time. Sobriety is so much more important. Even if I stay exactly this weight (which I doubt), it is still worth it not to have hideous blackouts and to hurt people constantly and feel awful and ashamed. Please remind me if I start obsessing at any point. This is about my life, not my appearance.

Lots of new people coming in--welcome! It gets better.