Drank again
I am volunteering in Peru currently and I told myself I was not going to drink here. I drank last evening first by myself and then more with a friend. I blacked out eventually and do not remember the last 2 hours or so of the evening. I know nothing bad happened and that I managed to not get in any trouble thankfully. But today I am definitely feeling regret and guilt. Sometimes like right now the day after I drink I do not understand why I must feel so bad about it. In the past I never felt regret when I drank in excess. I suppose ever since I came to the belief that I have a problem with alcohol and began working on curbing the behavior, the regret happens because I do the opposite of what I know is better for me. My previous sobriety date was Aug. 9...so I was around 6 weeks sober this time. It has been a little over a year since I knew something needed to change and that I have a problem. I cannot remember how many times I have drank in the past year and said never again after each time. The longest I have been sober is three months but I seemingly cannot fully break the cycle. I do not know. I just know I feel like I let myself and others down by drinking. It is difficult to explain but I just wish I had more time under my belt. I know time takes time though and I cannot keep up with this cycle.