Boundaries - how ?
Hi Everyone
I have done a lot of research as of late into "Borderline Personality" and "High Conflict Personality" types.
I found an online test for identifying if I am living with the above ... I can answer yes to the majority of questions.
I have tried setting boundaries, but to no avail. Even the attempt to set them is enough to have my spouse fly off the handle & the name calling starts.
She rages at our children on a very regular basis & it doesn't matter where or when, she will do this in front of other children & their parents as well. In a shopping mall, on a train, in public, doesn't matter.
She has lost 3 friendships in the last 3 years & I think she is on the verge of another loss. One of her friends told me on the weekend, she isn't going to tolerate her "blow-up's" any more.
We have tried couples counselling, however, the counsellor seemed to say "What do you expect she lives with an alcoholic"
However, I know from 3 people who have known her since she was 12, that she has been like this since childhood.
Just like I was alcoholic before she met me and I cannot blame her for that, it would seem she was "High Conflict" long before I met her too.
The problem is, she does blame me for her unhappiness. I am expected to be damn near perfect or "look out" the claws come out & the verbal abuse & name calling starts.
She harasses me daily with phone calls & text messages. It escalates if I do not or can not pick up. Example, if I miss one call, there will be one every ten minutes till I do pick up.
The minute I get in the door from work, the questions start, where have you been (at work), what have you been doing (working) and on it goes ..... aaaaahhhh !!
I know my drinking has not helped any of this "suspicion" of me, I get that.
However, she attempts to control every minute detail of everything I do.
Micro Management I believe is the corporate term.
I literally cannot do anything without her popping along to tell me where I'm doing it wrong and then to tell me how she would do it.
Wash the car (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
Mow the Lawns (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
Cook Dinner (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
Fold washing (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
trim trees (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
make the kids breakfast (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
load the dishwasher (why aren't you doing it like this ?)
I could fill a page, but I'm sure you get the idea.
I am literally followed around & told how to do EVERYTHING.
Last night she hacked my phone , suspecting an affair, as she has noticed I use my phone to go on SR.
This in not the first time the phone has been hacked.