return
hello friends,
I have not posted for over two years, maybe 3. I joined the class of Nov. 2011. I lasted a week. who knows what sad excuse I used to give up back then. while I've not posted since then I've returned to this forum often on nights like this, tears in my eyes, wishing for strength. sometimes I wonder if its even there anymore. life has gotten so far away from me I've lost my own identity. rather than a big picture there is only a daily battle. get through the day to get home and have that drink, and then forget the day ever happened. like before, I function, I get by. what kills me is remembering that lapse of sobriety I had in my early 20s that lasted 2 years, remembering the zest for life, the enthusiasm, the positivity I exuded. the boundless energy. comparing that to the hollow shell I am now is painful. I've played the blame game, blamed everything but alcohol, but I can no longer fool myself. I have to find a way to stop. so I ask you all once again for your support. what did you do to replace alcohol in your nightly rituals. how did you wind down? how did you sleep? it's such a part of getting over the day. I don't know how to replace it. I get myself so worked up and convince myself that's the only way to unwind. I need advice please.