Thinking out loud.....There is something I'm learning and I'm not sure what it is yet.
I think it is combining expectations with acceptance. I think it's hitting me too that my expectations have been all about me most of the time. I don't know how to foster growth in someone else that is different from me. It actually makes me cringe when my children do something or say something that I would never do or say. You know...little extensions of myself. I don't know where I end and they begin. And even worse than that it is like I want to just kill the things in them that are things that I would never do or say.
I think it's because I've been afraid. The consequences for saying or doing the wrong thing in my childhood were severe so I feel a need to protect myself and my children by encouraging dishonesty. Be quiet and fit into a mold and you won't get hurt. It's like yelling inside.."Don't be who you are, It's not safe". "Don't say the wrong thing, Don't do the wrong thing" I have my prison and have tried to make them join me.
This is really painful. I don't know why I'm writing this down, but I think I need to. It's not good to have secrets.
Hugs,
MG