yep... I can relate.
The further I get from the last terrible bender, from the negative consequences, from the reality of what it was like being a slave to booze - the easier it is to feel like I have an ability to control it.
I really think that is one of the biggest reasons why service work, helping others, being involved in supporting the recovery journeys of other people - is key. It's why I keep on coming back to the newcomer's forum and reading newcomer stories relentlessly.
It's why your own story is powerfully helping me stay sober today, reminding me that it's right out there waiting for me.
We can sober up and put some real good, quality time behind us.... but if we let ourselves get too detached from the reasons we chose sobriety, it can all come rushing back with one simple decision to 'just have a couple here and there'.
I know because I did it too. I went from 45 days sober some years back, feeling great, right back to binges from hell. I went nearly 6 months, then spent basically a year and a half drunk. I've watched my own history, my own pattern, my own EVIDENCE bear out what will happen - and yet somehow a part of my mind continues to conjure up the notion that maybe NEXT TIME it will be different.
And, hey, maybe it would. But it's just not worth the risk.
Anyway; I'm glad you're back on the sober path and I'm glad you're here and grateful for your sharing.
I think it's really just critical to keep on posting, reading, hitting meetings from time to time, and maybe helping others when you're solid enough in your own sobriety to do so.