Originally Posted by jdooner

MPR - I have not read all of the posts but I did read the 1st page...seems it got sideways of late for whatever the reasons. To your original question though, I read that you have traded addictions. You list other activities that you have dove into head first but I wonder if this has been your addiction at work the whole time? This was my experience. I was able to shape shift so to speak and take on different obsessive hobbies including drugs and alcohol for some time but not limited to work, sports, material things. The danger is in the addictive behaviors or substances not what the substances or behaviors are for me. Getting a sports car and driving 180mph daily is just as dangerous as smoking crack or drinking daily.

The illusion of moderate drinking after periods of abstinence is the great illusion that any alcoholics chase. I am not one to say don't. In fact, there is only one way for you to find out. As a betting man, I would take the under on your experiment though, but you might need this experience to gain the clarity and resolve you need, albeit incredibly dangerous. Some try and don't come back and some injure others in the process and can never get what they loose back.

I believe sobriety has allowed me to begin my journey of recovery and enlightenment. I could not have achieved what I have without sobriety first. However, I would not remain sober without the awareness and enlightenment I have achieved. Bit of a chicken and egg syndrome. It sounds to me like you achieved sobriety but have not pursued your own awakening. This is fine but it often manifests in the "what ifs." I don't have these but maybe I will too at 7 years. I do believe we get out what we put in.

Whatever your decision may be I wish you the best and encourage you to keep posting throughout to let us know.