Searching posted this on another board. It's from the big book.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and woman who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. They are not at fault, they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living that demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
It hit me in a strange way. Combined with the strange way that expectations hit me today I will try to explain what I'm thinking and see what you guys come up with.
First today I was thinking about expectations. My thoughts were how horrible I've been to try to expect my son to live his life the way I want him to. Now I know I am just trying to keep him alive, but I still don't have the right to expect him to live his life the way I want him to. I would hate for someone to be disappointed with me all the time and only be accepted if I live my life the way they expect me to.
Then I got hit with how important honesty is to recovery by reading the post above.
So instead of trying to control my son's life I was thinking that the best thing I can do is encourage him to be honest. I have not set up an environment that encourages honesty. I've set up an environment that encourages dishonesty. It may be too late to change that and it doesn't have to be me that he is honest with, but it certainly wouldn't hurt to have the door open without the judgement that goes along with his truth.
I don't know if I'm making sense.
Also it is so important that we are honest. Honesty comes before acceptance. Honesty is important to our relationship with our HP. I know that our conditioning can cause denial that our HP has to reveal to us, but at least we can be honest about our behavior without knowing the cause right away. Honesty without the demand on myself to fix it in myself or my son.
I know I'm rambling. There has just been so many times that it was so wonderful to be honest with my HP and he never was disappointed or judged me. I have not done this with my son and I am so sad about that. How can I get to know him when who he is always has to be a lie. I know it's a little more complicated than just being honest, but acceptance has been so healing for me. I can imagine it would be healing to him too.
Please add your thoughts on this.
Sorry for the book.
Hugs,
MG