Wow! Thank you all!
I'm grateful to all of you for your thoughtful replies! I have never sought help or support for my addiction because I considered myself " stonger and better" than that. I was in a behavior health facility ( aka Nut House, as I called it) for a week after an OD of vodka and xanax. A doc prescribed the xanax to help me stop drinking. Boy, did that backfire! Anyway, even after that I didn't seek help.
It helps to hear your stories - especially those that are so similar to mine. Already I don't feel so alone in this. I will try to use use the advice you offered. Cooking in the the AM is a great idea! Not really sure if I like to cook or just have an excuse to drink. And finding new activities to break my drinking rituals is also something I will think about.
To join this forum is a big step for me and the words of support you all offered are an amazing and humbling surprise!