Welcome lhtlZ.
Our stories sound very familiar. I usually did it the other way around. Started with a ""couple" of giant martinis (that was probably the equivalent of 10 shots of gin) then moved over to the "softer" stuff - Chardonnay or Zin. Just a bottle. Maybe more on a bad night.
Now to even write that, I can't believe at how quickly my consumption level spiraled out of control.... Sheesh.
I, too, loved to paint while drinking, garden while drinking, cook while drinking, surf the net while drinking, not so much read bc I could never retain what I read in blackout.
It has been a process to learn how to do all of those things sober. I still can't paint sober. My easel and brushes and gesso canvas' sit and wait. But. I have managed to relearn how to do the rest.
There was a point in my trying to get sober, where I literally didn't cook for 2 months bc I couldn't handle doing it sober. It's still a challenge, but all it takes is getting used to it. I also started making meals in the morning (wasn't ever a morning drinker) so I didn't have to attempt it during my witching hours of 4:00 pm until 7:00 pm.
The best self sabotage I used to feed myself was "See ? Even though I'm drinking, I'm sooooo cultured (as I ruined painting after painting when I got too drunk). Oh, the lies we tell ourselves to justify addiction.
I tried to moderate. For years. With zero success. Once I have a sip in me, all bets are off and I'm drinking to drunk.
Poke around here.
. You will find many of us, just like you.
Glad to have you..