First time
New to this site today. I've been drinking heavily for the last for the last 20 years. First drink at age 14 and just continued from there. Im a binge drinker- no such thing as a couple drinks for me. I typically drink at home, alone.
I drink at least a bottle of wine nightly usually preceded by a couple vodka martinis. I recently retired from a job I enjoyed though it was very demanding mentally, physically and emotionally. I drank to relax quickly, go to sleep and get up the next day and go to work. When I was out for business dinners, i could control myself until I got home. I thought my drinking would slow down after retiring but it's only gotten worse! More free time and less responsibility - I now drink several martinis and a bottle or two of wine over a 6 hour period. I've started to drink earlier and earlier in the day. I'm scared it will only get worse and i will become more and more isolated and possibly ill, unless I deal with it.
I am 5 days without a drink. Longest alcohol free period in years. I don't have much for physical withdrawals but the psychological craving is so strong I feel like I should chain myself up so I can't get to any alcohol. The last five days I've felt better, had more energy and feel happy. But everyday I want that bottle of wine so badly. I haven't "promised" myself I'd quit and I don't know if that is a signal that I can't stop. I don't want to spend this phase of my life so dependent on alcohol that I don't have time to pursue the things I always thought I would.
Curious if there are others facing this life transition with addiction hanging over your head.
Ps. I love to garden, cook, read, do mosaics, paint - and drink while I'm doing it!!