It's my mother for me as well.
But, I had a HUGE liberating moment but from that point on my heart was a thousand times lighter.
My mother was small...5' or so. And looked much older than she really was. Was always angry, always bitter, could hold a grudge for years and years and years, even over the slightest thing. And, in her rages, she'd hurl dishes, small funiture...you get the idea.
When my sister and I grew up and left home my dad became the focus of her rages, when he died, the neighbors. The cops took turns, they'd get me or my sis..."Please come do something with your mother". And we'd drive over...she'd rant at us and it would be over.
One night, I was in my late 30's...cops were at my door with their "come do something with your mother" request.
LIGHTBULB went off like a 1040's photo flash! I said, "guys, you have guns! If you can't do anything with her, what do you want from me?
Arrest her, shoot her, do whatever it is you're allowed to do to keep the peace but I can't help."
I felt like 4000 lbs had been lifted from my shoulders! Cops argued...'she's too old to arrest' (she was in early 60's but looked 85), 'but you always come when we ask'...ect ect...I held my ground. I honestly do not know what they did after that but they NEVER asked me again and my mother never "got me" again. It was like a switch that had been stuck in the on position was suddenly and permanently off.
She died a few years later. Those were peaceful years for me. I walked away whenever a rant started, even when she was hospitalized and dying.
I tended to her needs however I could but had granted myself permission to never be her personal recepticle of hate. That simple "no" to the cops changed my world and was the biggest and best education I ever recieved...for the first time in my entire life I realized: ONLY I CONTROLED ME! Being in control took away the anger.
Sorry this reply is so long, but it was a significant moment in my life!