Thanks anvil and I agree....I continue to refuse to close the door. I'm keeping it cracked open for sometime somewhere. I'm hanging on to it thinking that there can be one more one last time. I've been doing this for a long time. It is exhausting to use and after a while it's exhausting to not use
So now i am angry. I have not felt anger at crack in a long time but right now I am angry at it. I'd suppose under that I am angry at me and at my whole life and at the world.
Now come the duck its and the duck you's. Yep but for that moment i was angry at crack.
Then I want a cigarette then it makes me jumpy-ER and want more. The cigarettes only make my stop crack attempts more difficult....but in clinging to them as well