Mavis, welcome to the family. I'm sorry you are struggling. Some days are just crap. It's ok to say that. But these too shall pass.
May I ask, are you currently using alcohol to cope with your challenges ? If so, it's been proven that it only sinks us further into depression. I speak from experience. Life starts to feel rather horrific when you are trying to get through it with drink.
Glad to have you here.