Searching Peace - While yo may not think others think about you or that you are valuable it is not true - I thought about you two days ago wondering how you are doing. You are a valuable member of this forum.
People do choose you, you were chosen for a job, you were chosen by your husband, you have been chosen for many other things but your thoughts right now are clouded by despair and contorting your view of who you are. The problem here is not about what others think about you, but what you think about yourself. Its not accurate. This marriage ending is not a reflection of whether or not you were a good wife, rather, a dangerous situation for you and your children and a dysfunction beyond your power to correct. The problem is your violent STBXAH. You have put the burden of fault on the wrong person.
Who did not have a choice in this matter is your children. They did not choose you. You chose to have them. Their lives will be eternally messed up if you choose to end your life. Its not true that they don't need you, its not true that they will be better off. I am 47 years old, I have at times hated my parents. They are ill and dying and I can't imagine this my life with our them. I think back in younger days when I was disrespectful to them and hateful, and I wish I could take it back I love them so much. This world will not be better off without you in it.
Please reach out to the suicide hotlines they will help you. Its easy for me to say - this too will pass. It WILL.
Many ((((hugs))) and prayers sent your way.