Yes the guilt is unbearable. I was told by my Pastor that it is false guilt and I should ignore it kej248. I try to keep remembering that. Thank you for sharing that you also experience this guilt. I honestly have been shocked that he hasn't made any effort. I thought he would have more fight in him for the relationship. There were excuses for why he couldn't go to counseling, stop smoking, work on anger management, work on the verbal abuse, etc.
Whalebelow2, I'm realizing how much of a blame game it is. He will find anyone especially me to blame for anything that goes wrong in his life. It's such a different way of thinking. I can't seem to wrap my mind around this and I continue to play things that happened over and over in my head.
Txhelp, I'm not sure exactly what they were referring to as "his time of need". I think they are referring to his addiction and the "suffering" that he is going through since I left. It's crazy b/c they have never once thought about what I'm going through being married to him. The verbal abuse has honestly crushed me. I was starting to get daily headaches and feeling like I could never relax or find a sense of peace. I felt like an engine that was constantly being revved.
Zoso77, thank you for the reference for "What addicts do". It was very helpful. Honestly I am learning so much since I have joined this site. You all are amazing. I feel like other people just don't get it.