Yes, my whole life! I feel exactly like you do even right now as I type. I was gonna do it Friday night, but that would just give the satisfaction to both my x and current. My x would get the kids and my current could continue using meth, but now would have a REASON.
Babe, you gotta snap out of this. No one can ever replace their Mommy. EVER! !! And guess what, people are still great parents even broke!! Maybe even better because the kids aren't so damn spoiled. They receive the qualities advantaged kids don't, to be honest. All that matters is that you are a good mother, and it sounds like you are. Get to the dr and get to therapy asap!!
And guess what, I love you, and I don't even know you!! Hugs and prayers!