You have a lot to offer, and I do not feel burdened by your troubles. I am grateful that you trusted me enough to share them.
I will tell you some things about me now, not to distract from your troubles, but to let you know where I am coming from.
I had a huge problem with basing my self worth on what one sick individual thought of me or the way one sick individual treated me. Whether that person was my alcoholic father or ex or my mentally ill mother or anyone else I happened to encounter.
My mother goes through a phase at least once a year where she decides I am not her "real daughter." She suffers from paranoid schizophrenia and does not believe she has a problem, so chooses not to seek a diagnosis or any form of treatment (sound familiar?). Ok, more honesty. I said "phase." The technical term for this is "psychotic episode."
It is incredibly painful, no matter what I tell myself about mental illness or the 3 c's or any logical explanation of her behavior.
My mother rejects my very existence on a fundamental level at least once a year. How do you NOT take that personally? I know it's a disease, I know she is not on her right mind, doesn't mean it, blah blah blah.
That is hard to take. I do apply alanon principles. I take what I like (the times when she is not psychotic) and leave the rest, but it is very hard to live that way. I don't like doing it. I want a mom like other people have, not a crazy mom who doesn't believe I'm her daughter because she doesn't remember me having a mole on my neck, or thinks my face "looks different" or whatever.
I would not do it if she was not my mother.