Been there, done that. I get it. If you really have a plan in place to end your life, please call the number that has already been posted or go to your nearest emergency room.
With that, yes, I get it. I have tried to kill myself 4 times, each time wondering why God just wouldn't take me. I do not believe I am a valuable person. I do not believe I am good enough. On a fundamental level. And I do not know how to change that. I think about killing myself every day. Its just an automatic throught that just pops in there. If I get stressed or angry, or lonely, or tired. It just pops in, yep, Im going to kill myself. Most days I can talk that down and am able to say to myself, "Self, that is just a thought. You do not need to act on it." But there are other times when my stress level exceeds my coping mechanisms and suicide seems like the ONLY way out of the pain. That's when I have attempted. If you are feeling that way right now........please, reach out to someone. Because guess what? Most people who attempt or complete suicide are looking for relief from the pain. Relief is a feeling. You don't have any feelings anymore if you are dead.