Thanks so much for the support everyone! I have to admit that the verbal abuse and pot use started before we were married. I was in love and thought that we could overcome both together. I feel so stupid now. I ignored major red flags. I thought I could help him to get over both issues. The first time that he called me a b*tch I insisted that we go to see a counselor. He promised that he would never do it again. It of course happened again and I continued to make excuses for him and his behavior. I would tell myself we had so many great times and the verbal abuse was not as frequent as the good times. Then, about a year into our marriage we started a business and with the stress of a new business the verbal abuse and pot use increased dramatically. Then, he started taking "pot pills" which I feel really intensified things, but he swears it was the stress of our business that caused him to be so verbally abusive.
With our separation being so fresh he is encouraging his family and friends to contact me. Most are saying that they can't believe I'm abandoning my husband. His sister asked today, "How in the world can a wife abandon a husband in his time of need without even trying?". He has told them that he would quit smoking for me which is a total lie. When I confronted him about it he said that he would quit smoking if it was the issue, but it isn't the issue. I'm now realizing how manipulative he is. Zoso77, you are so right about the manipulation. It's amazing that you picked up on that so quickly. Thank you.
I'm still reeling from this whole thing. I'm in shock that we are in this place only 2 years into our marriage. It's not helping that I'm the one being blamed by all of his family and friends. My family and friends and the pastor that married us are telling me to leave. Honestly, getting past the guilt is incredibly tough.
qwer1234, I agree with your comment to step back and see things as they are and I will pray for you son.
Faith260, I'm glad that you are taking time to work on your self esteem. You are so right that he will not change until he is ready. I feel like I'm talking to an irrational brick wall. You are in my thoughts and prayers as well.
SR truly is a blessing. Sorry to ramble on and on about this. It's just so fresh and I'm trying to process the whole thing. Thanks for your time, thoughts, prayers, and support.