Anita,
Welcome to the Board. I'm sorry for what's brought you here, but very grateful that you both found us and took the time to post.
It took a lot of courage on your part to both throw down a hard boundary with your AH and then, when he chose what he chose, follow through on your threat to leave. I'm sure that was very, very hard to do. But it was the right thing to do, for you.
As Chicory observed, it sounds like being abusive is part of his makeup. He is what he is, and unless he decides to work on changing his behavior, he simply won't. So you did the only thing you could do, which was remove yourself.
Will he ever see the light? I'm realizing that this is not fixable. His last comment to me was that he would resent me for life for making him give up something that he loved and that it's over bc I'm not trustworthy bc I finally shared what he was doing to me with my family after 2 years of silence.
He will only see the light if, and only if, he decides he's done. I think his remarks are highly manipulative and are the words of someone who chooses not to take responsibility. You can't change him. His family can't change him.
No one can change him.
I encourage you to take this time to heal and to ask yourself how you want to live your life. And when you answer that question, you may find that your AH doesn't have a place in your life. But only you can answer that question.
Again, Welcome to the Board.