MTSlideAddict

It’s been a long time since I did a thread. Although I haven't been as active on SRF as I once was I have not forgotten the posters walking along side me.

I left my husband last year. I've been staying with my brother and his family trying to sort through and figure out what I want from life. Although this year has had some lonely painful nights I can honestly say that I am so much happier being away from my STBXAH. Even those sad nights I feel I am making progress. I feel I am grieving and moving forward. When I was with AH I felt stuck and buckled in on the roller coaster ride. I am no longer afraid of everything like I once was. I used to be afraid to drive, to speak out in Al-Anon meetings, to speak to people in general, but I am no longer that scared girl anymore. I am finding my likes and dislikes as the woman I am. I am making friends. I learned to dance salsa. I got out on stage at a local theatre and did improve comedy. I've even met a friend with benefits. That’s the way I like it for now. I still plan on moving to Pennsylvania. I set a goal for July of 2015 for the move. The divorce should be final by then. I have reconnected with music. I enjoy sunsets. I love to go on long drives. I regularly visit small historical cities several hours away just to explore. Hell, I discovered I like drinking whiskey. Those are a few things I discovered I liked, and none I did when I was with my husband.

Meanwhile, my husband had continued on his cycle. I kept in contact with him mostly. If he called anyway, I answered, but if he was drunk I’d quickly end the call. From past experience if he stopped calling me I knew he was too far gone. He was in and out of hospitals. Did a couple stays in ICU. Had his mother enable him by manipulating her to paying bills to keep utilities on. Eventually it all came crashing down. Savings was depleted. The jointly owned house that I had continuously tried to talk him into selling was skirting foreclosure status. Joint loans that were his responsibility went months without payments. I couldn’t take care of it all, so I had to let it be. One night I got a call from his dad saying that he had agreed to put the house on the market and go into rehab. Apparently he scared himself. His kidneys had stopped functioning. He couldn’t urinate, and then had passed out on the kitchen floor. When he woke he called for EMS to take him to the hospital. He stayed in ICU that time for a week.

Upon receiving the call regarding the house needing to go on the market I took action, but was horrified when I walked in the door. There were dog and cat feces everywhere. Cat urine stench was strong. Carpet was filthy and there were layers of dirt on counters. His dad and I rounded up some volunteers and gutted the place. We sold furniture, bagged his clothes, and donated my clothes that were still there. Sadly we took the cats to a shelter. Everything had to go. I had the carpet replaced, and the real estate agent fronted us the money for a make-ready cleaning. AH made repairs to drywall and did some painting once he got out of the hospital.

Now the house is sold, my AH had completed the maximum length the state approved him for in inpatient rehab, which was thirty days. He found a job. After a discussion with him he is no longer trying to hang onto or marriage. He is working with the divorce and we are civil.

With this new development I can’t help but feel some bad feelings. For me, my feeling became raw when he told me that he had been dating someone. I don’t know why he felt the need to tell me. It’s not my business. I mean, I didn’t tell him about the people I had met. A piece of me with these hurt feelings can’t wait to see it all cash and burn. I’m fairly certain it will. He gets involved with this girl fresh out of rehab. This girl has the same first name as me. He is spending a lot of time at her place. All this information was obtained through Facebook, but from what it seems to me he is using this girl to cover his feelings, which from my understanding inhibits his progress. I need to remember to stay on my own side of the tracks. One day at a time right?

I am going Salsa dancing this weekend, and will try to keep my thoughts on me.