I think I actually DO want this divorce!!!
A few days ago my STBXAH came over to pick up our daughter. He and I were hanging out in the living room while she was getting ready, talking about some financial stuff, when he made a comment that we would do better financially if we put off the pending divorce for a while.
I kind of laughed and said “Yeah, your absolutely right, but that’s not gonna happen.”
The which he replied “Why, it makes perfect sense.”
I felt a big grin creep over my face, and looking him straight in the eyes I said “Dude, have you met you?”
And for the first time since I walked into that attorneys office, sat in that chair, and while crying, signed my name on that line, I realized I actually WANT this.
I received a letter in the mail yesterday. The mediation date is set for November. I am completely, utterly, unequivocally, scared sh@tless. I’m over 50, on the verge of bankrupcy. I have no real job to speak of, no marketable skills, no family or close friends within 2500 miles. A daughter on the brink of adulthood who needs my guidance, and horribly spoiled cat who's demands for food and petting border on abusive.
I’m scared.
I feel like I'm at the top of a roller coaster. I’m excited to see what the world wants to show me. I want to put my hands in the air and scream as it shoots down the track. I love roller coasters.
I know I’m doing the right thing.
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I can use all the positive energy I can get.