Hey class! I'm still going strong at day 32. Phew!
I've had a somewhat rough couple of days. I've struggled with depression for most of my life, and some bad feelings came over me recently. I'm at the point where I have to redefine myself without alcohol, and I'm not really sure how to go about it. When I was younger, I had a lot of issues with the impulse control and anger, and I have been called crazy on more than one occasion. I've worked really hard to change who I am and take responsibility for my emotions, but I feel like I can't make any mistakes in my interpersonal relationships or everyone is going to hate me.
Yeah, my self worth is pretty low, and alcohol helped me isolate and not really care what anyone thought for a long time because I could just wash everything away with vodka. I'm trying really hard not to dwell on these feelings because they don't lead me on a good path. I'm not sure how to set myself on a good path without beating myself up over my past.
The funny thing is -- I have no interest in drinking. At this point, I want to lose weight more than I want to drink, and I've been steadily losing since I stopped drinking. I hope it stays that way! Keeping busy really does work.