AnvilheadII, last night I got into an argument on the phone with him. In the last few months, when I can concerns, we were able to speak and resolve things. Last night, the cyclical responses were back, the evasiveness was there, the gaslighting was there. It felt like being back in time when he was using. I hated the feelings that were arising in me again - fear, anger, trapped, betrayed, naive, stupid. When the feelings of worthlessness arose, I hung up and went to sleep.
He seemed void of compassion or any understanding of where I was coming from, what I went through over the last 5 years and why I would feel this way. Haven't spoken to him as I'm at work and do not want to cry or get upset further.
Hopeful4: I feel confused. I want to trust my intuition but wondering if my fear has made me paranoid. If he is clean, maybe it must be frustrating with my insecurity.
I'm at a point in my life where I have to make some decisions which way to go... even if it is without him. I just have no proof. He offered none. I have nothing to go on.. but my intuition or my perception.
I guess time will tell............. :-(