The insecurity may never leave, and only you can decide what to do with that. An addict is an addict for life, and some can live with that and some cannot.
You are not a fool or an idiot. You have been hurt.
I agree with what lady said above, what would you do with the information if you had it? What if it is positive? What are your boundaries and are you willing to keep them. If so, how?
These are all things you need to think out. I encourage you to seek out help for YOU as it is obvious you are hurting and anxious. Do you attend any support groups or have face to face support??
Hugs to you. Breathe. We are here with you.