Sometimes we never know the reasons WHY & sometimes in the middle of the pain we have a hard time seeing anything clearly at all. And sometimes the why's reveal themselves later, in ways we couldn't have anticipated.
We also had 13 or so really amazing, picture-perfect years before the last 7 on this roller coaster ride.
I was recently talking offline with another SR member about my mom & her own recovery & it hit me suddenly that if RAH hadn't gone down this road I would have NEVER gone into recovery for myself, despite having had an addict father. My finding recovery, understanding & drawing boundaries with my own FOO & enforcing them was one of the main reasons that my mother felt compelled to enter therapy. (severe sexual abuse & lifetime untreated codependency)
And her damage is intense & goes back 5+ decades. If I hadn't changed the dynamic the way that I did I'm not sure she EVER would've gotten the courage to finally embrace getting healthy herself. But I would have never guessed that when I felt like I was walking through hellfire during the process of making these changes.
((((((Hang in there))))))