Thank you all.
Thank you, Croissant for saying that.
I feel so useless and hopeless and a waste of space. I cry every day. I'm obsessed about mistakes/wrong choices I made in the past, I can't seem to get out of this.
I am glad I'm not complicating things by drinking. I'm living in the past, it's all I do lately. If I'd only done this or that, I'd be in a much better place now, and not depressed and inconsolably unhappy. I guess, like Snoozy said, I'm tired of the struggle and no joy in my life, nor hope of such.
I'm sad my siblings aren't more supportive. I feel very child like and immature and don't know how to grow up and look after myself. I'm full of resentments, I want to "escape", booze did that for a while but I really don't want to do that.
I'm sorry I cannot write more hopeful things, but I don't want to disconnect here, I realize that doing so puts me at risk of drinking and I'm dead if I do that, I know it.
Please bear with me, I care about you all and all we've gone through together, I'm sorry I'm not in a better place.