I used to think being in the moment was sniffing a fat line of coke and throwing my head back as the chemicals mixed in my blood stream. Was this not the essence of being present? Nothing else existed in my little World other than what was right in front of me. I had to change this skewed mindset, as this was unsustainable physically, emotionally and financially.
With time and clarity I can now look back and see this euphoria was little more than lipstick on the pig (of my life). Like a cabby that uses an air freshener to remove the stench of vomit in the back seat there was still the undertone of pain that Iwas attempting to cover through chemicals.
Now I can see that the moments I have craved my whole life are the ones that are real. Its a glance from my wife as we watch our kids develop. Or taking in nature at 11,000 feet in the Rockies. Or just a quiet Sunday mowing the lawn with my son. These moments are becoming more frequent with sobriety and recovery. You get glimpses and want more. Its in the process of just being that I am able to understand this is true happiness - not that fat line or stripper who was fleecing me.