Dee - I don't disagree with your point about not losing focus on myself. I ****** up recently, and there is no one to blame for that but myself. My wife didn't have anything to do with taking the amps nor anything that followed. Whatever happens with regards to my addiction is solely on me, and no one else. I am in a weak spot right now, and I must say that on most days over the past few weeks I have questioned my sanity. Clearly, I have made serious errors in judgment over the years, and I have suffered consequences for those actions. Granted, I have not see the inside of prison yet nor have I truly suffered what many addicts would consider a 'rock bottom'. Materials things have not be stripped from me yet, and I have escaped death (narrowly) on multiple occasions. I have no doubt that all of that will come in time if I continue on the path of active addition.
Often I hear the advice that we can't expect others to change, and that we must be immune to the actions of those around us. From my read of it, that seems to be advice focused specifically on addiction. This is a tremendous struggle for me to be honest. If my problems at home were gone would I expect to be 'cured' of addiction? No, of course not. I realize how far I have taken my addiction and those are actions that I will never be able to take back.
All of that said, when I was desperate enough to try to claw my way back from this self-imposed morass of addiction it was with the hope that there would be some light at the end of the tunnel. A life that was worth living without drugs / booze or whatever. My family is an integral part of me and my children are my flesh and blood. They are a part of my life, and there is nothing that I can do to undo that. If this life at the end of the tunnel means the status quo with my family then I don't know what to say other than it isn't a life worth living. Without some light at the end of the tunnel worth working for the situation appears utterly hopeless.
It would be great to focus on myself, but I if my family is destroyed due to my lack of attention then it will be all for nothing.
As far as it being easier to focus on my wife rather than my own problems I respectfully disagree on that point. I would much rather her deal with her issues herself, and allow me to focus on myself.