Originally Posted by
Wastinglife 
During the worst of my drinking, I would finish work at 5pm and stop at the liquor store and buy a fifth of vodka each day at 5:10pm before I got on the subway. I would be home at 5:40pm and have my first vodka soda in hand by 5:45pm. I would then drink alone all night until the bottle ran out around 11pm. Then I would pass out.
This was my pattern for almost 2 years. The vast majority of my free time during the week was spent drinking alone in my condo. However, at the time, I wasn't the least bit lonely. If I had booze, I was happy as a pig in sh*t. I could watch TV/movies and surf the net and didn't want any company.
When I stopped drinking, I couldn't sit on my own at home alone for more than an hour or so before I would start getting lonely and depressed. Even now, I need to just get up and go for a walk because without alcohol I can't stand being cooped up alone.
I am sure the loneliness was there the whole time, but the booze masked it for a long time. I had a girlfriend at the time and had many friends and co-workers around, yet I still chose to drink alone by myself whenever I could.
Sounds like you are making great progress Myrrah. Keep up the good work!
That was exactly me. I had plenty of opportunities to drink with other people. But I didn't want to drink with other people. Because that always turned out one of two ways:
I would either NOT enjoy my drinking, because I was controlling it so I wouldn't be judged... or alternatively, I would drink freely so I could enjoy it, and end up doing something to humiliate myself, and feel judged.
Neither option was much appealing to me. Lol.
Even when I went out to "social events", I would USUALLY (if I was lucky) stick around for one quick drink and then bolt, heading straight to the liquor store, so I could go home and commence drinking alone.