I totally get this... Alchohol its a liar. It numbs things only for so long then amplifies them. When I am connected to my HP (my Lord) I am whole and fullfilled. If I start my day in prayer and meditation on His word I feel so much better. He says "draw near to me and I will draw near to you" I never feel alone when I am seeking Him. Alchohol distracted me from that which lead to my downward spririal... just my two cents. We are always here for you
