View Single Post
Old 09-09-2014, 09:19 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Ann
Nature Girl
 
Ann's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome, I am another mama, my adult son has been in and out of the active addiction/recovery revolving door most of his life. For years and years I tried to save him and in the end had to save myself or die trying.

The most important things I learned about him were...

He has to find his own way, he knows where "real" recovery is...meetings, free rehab (the Salvation Army has a very good free program), and letting him move home only caused my home to turn into a war zone. Kicking them out when they use is not as easy as it sounds.

If he needs money, he can earn it. To give him money is to buy him drugs and enable him to not seek employment or even odd jobs.

Addicts lie, even in early recovery because honesty is not yet a concept they can grasp. The more horrifying the story, the more likely it's a lie.

He can and will find a better path...when he is ready and not a moment before.

The most important things I learned about myself are...

I am powerless over anyone else and their addictions. Nothing I do or don't do, say or don't say will make any difference. It is not up to me to control the life of anyone except myself.

I learned that live meetings and SR help me wrap myself in support and bring myself into balance when I am having a bad day. I learned that I cannot live in my son's addiction and MY recovery at the same time, so I let go of trying to control that which is not mine to control and try to save myself.

I learned to pray and trust that God can do for my son and me what we cannot do for ourselves. Each morning I say a prayer turning over my son's addiction to God and then live my day well, as life should be lived, trusting that God has us both covered.

Your daughter sounds like she is on a good path with her recovery. Maybe trust that and see where it leads. If you do let her come live with you it is a good idea to set very strong boundaries and be prepared to enforce them. It may be a good idea for you to go to some meetings for yourself because you may have some rough times ahead and need live support to stay strong.

Your daughter and you are in my prayers, and her children too. I really hope this unfolds well for all of you.

Hugs from this mama's heart to yours.
Ann is offline