Jennie,
plenty of dysfunctional stuff between me and my parents, esp. me and my dad.
and oh ja, i have been direct, when i had the guts, all my life. didn't help one bit. not one!
your GF might need what you see as his BS, for reasons unknown to you.
but oh, you don't really want to see him, you say, and it's just obligation. well, how lucky you are that now he doesn't want a visit then
(i get the rejection thing. the feeling rejected even though you don't want to see him anyways. the perceived rejection by him even though you've rejected him for years (obligation visits, don't want to be there).
i have some of those dynamics in my family, too, and with any relief that comes when i don't "have to" see my parents, there's guilt feelings mixed in.)