Soberpotamus

I'm wondering if my grandfather might be pushing me away because I've gotten sober? And because I got married. I know this sounds preposterous. I should fill in the backstory but it's so long and tedious. I come from a dysfunctional family. My grandfather was an alcoholic and finally got sober in his early 40's. My mother was an alcoholic and died at the age of 52 from complications of a drug overdose, self-induced. We can pretty much call it a suicide. My grandfather has lived most of his life in fear... he's fairly agoraphobic, and on a nice day I'd just call him eccentric. On a bad day, pushy, controlling, criticizing, emotionally and verbally abusive. He used to blow up in fits of rage. Anyway, he's mellowed out in his old age. He learned how to control himself a little better anyway. Not sure how much he actually changed. The family usually jokes that he's like a big kid. But it's not much of a joke. The entire family is consumed with hate for one another. Lovely, right?

I left home for college and never went back (I visited, just didn't move back to live there). Most of the family still lives in the same small town. I was the oldest grandchild, graduated college, hid my drinking until I couldn't hide it any longer... they always knew I was drinking, and it was always held over my head. It was the reason they'd give for any of my perceived flaws or failures in life.

I got married in 2011. I quit drinking that same year - the month I got married. I drank again approximately 6-8 months later. Then sobered up finally in April of 2013. I've been sober 1.5 years now.

My grandfather doesn't want us to visit anymore. He keeps telling us to wait until the weather "cools off" - we live in the south where it's hot and muggy, so that's a likely excuse. But he has never, ever told me this before. It is odd. This is what he'd have told non-family members or someone he didn't want to see. I know him well enough to know this is an excuse. And it hurts.

This is my grandfather, who always begged me to come visit, to come live with them during college, to move back, etc. He was constantly wanting me around them.

I am wondering if it's because I'm married, or because I'm finally sober? Does he not have anything to hold over my head in order to feel superior? I know this is sick. And it would mean that my whole life, I had family who only wanted to be near me in order to compare themselves with me. This is really sad for me.

I'm also wondering if it's because my grandmother and mother are dead... he feels no need for me to come visit?

Anyway... it's distressing me because I can't pinpoint why. My husband just doesn't understand the family, how sick they actually are, and so he tries to reason different things to figure this out... but my family isn't normal, they don't think the way he does.

I guess I need to know if this is possible. Could my grandfather actually be disowning me because he can no longer criticize me? Or does he just hate me now that I'm sober? He criticized me my whole life. I figured he'd truly be happy I got sober and stayed sober.