Perhaps I should have said worst withdrawal experiences or something else, but for me this was one of the worst aspects of the opis. Every day that I woke up I would know exactly how many pills were left in a bottle and how many days I had left with them. It was really a level of paranoia / anxiety / OCD that was all consuming.
The example I used was just the worst excuse I had heard. There were plenty of times when a locked down, sure thing on a Friday turned into a Monday thing. Those extra 3 days might as well have been a month, because at the time I had no plans to quit. I knew I was going to get sick - really sick - and that it would be all for nothing. For me, withdrawaling when I knew that I was going to go back anyway was the worst type of withdrawal. There was no light at the end of the tunnel or thinking that this was going to be the last time to go through it again. It was just hopeless suffering for absolutely nothing. At least in failed quit attempts I had a glimmer of hope that I might actually make it through to the other side. After getting burned like that a few times it really messed with my head and I was constantly on red alert that I was going to get dopesick at exactly the wrong time.
I planned my entire life around it. Travelling was a great example. I only travelled if it was a last resort. Everyone gets pissed when their flight home gets cancelled, but for a junkie it takes on a whole different dimension. Someone smiling and telling you "we should be able to have you on the first flight back in the morning. Of course, we'll get you a room for the night" got translated into junkie speak as "WHAT?! I am already getting sick. Oh, man I am total ****** right now. Totally! What does 'should' mean anyway. What if I am stuck here for days?! Then I am going to have to ride back dopesick in one of those seats that wouldn't fit a large child and I won't be able to kick my legs or else everyone will think I am crazy!". Even that situation wasn't as bad a 'dealer time' to me, because it wasn't like the airline worker knew what the consequences would be.
'Dealer time' embodies the demoralizing, helpless aspects of the addiction, which, for me at least, was the most horrific part of it. The fact that another opi addict - who knew full well the difference 8 hours makes - would pull that **** was infuriating. But, I was nothing more than a slave to him and we both knew that I wasn't going to do anything about it. I had basically 'turned out' myself.
I apologize if anyone took my post to represent anything else. I don't think it hurts to laugh every once in a while either though.