Originally Posted by
whalebelow 
Seems self will is trying to re assert itself.
Running your own show got you into a fair amount of bother a while back, by the sound of it.
Your call though, all the best with whatever you decide.
that's what I initially thought the first few times, about 6 months ago. I'd call my sponsor, worried. So i'd jump back into it, call him every day, do nightly's every night, morning meditation, the whole 9 yards, but it definitely had zero effect on me, and id gradually fall off. This happened 2 or 3 times, and honestly, I'm just starting to think it's the opposite of self will. I keep my pathway to my higher power cleaned out as best I can on a daily basis, so I can do what I'm supposed to do, and not what I want to do. I am basically living the exact same life, just not by the strict regulations of AA. Unlike in early sobriety though, the malady isn't creeping in, I'm not ridful, and everything is going quite nicely in my life. I think it's a shame that because of AA, I'm fearful in my situation... because I shouldn't be, and I only am because I was told I should be when I was most vulnerable. I think it's just taken me this long to relearn to think for myself, which, as an addict, I understand can be dangerous. But so long as I continue to work some form of recovery, and remain spiritually fit, I don't see how it could be any problem. Again, like I said before, the big book never says it's sole purpose is to get you sober... it says it's sole purpose is to connect you to a higher power. So long as I keep that relationship, and continually work on getting closer, it should't be an issue... I'm doing exactly what the purpose of the book is, just without the book. Alcoholics Anonymous certainly isn't the first book to outline a way to gain a connection with a higher power