Hello and welcome.
Those sound like some pretty serious affects alcohol is having on you.
With me controlled drinking never worked. Like you, I climbed the ladder until I was drinking more and more. It was a no win situation. My only choice was complete abstinence.
I don't know your drinking history but with me, it was progressive until I was drinking and losing control every day.
I hope you can stop before you reach the lows I did.
Keep reading and posting, you'll find a lot of support here.