So therapy was good..... He made sense out of the en-sensible. I feel better then I have in a long time and yet a little discouraged.. he said this is going to be painful but the good news is I'm not as "far gone" as I thought I was. He said that for 36 years I was at 180 deg of denying myself and living for my "marriage". I banked all feelings and emotions down and put my heart away in cold storage. Thinking I was taking a higher moral standing. He said that for the past year I did a total flop and did the 180 to the other side of looking for that affirmation, excitement and love.
He said all my wires are crisscrossed in my brain and its just a matter of getting them connected to the right circuits.. that its like a right handed person always remembering to reach with their left but it can be done... We shall see....